Citizens for Boysenberry Jam

My Christmas List Now Complete

2006-10-20T01:32:00.000-04:00

Scientists have come up with an invisibility cloak. Well, sort of, anyway. I still want one.

Torre Fired, to be replaced by Piniella

2006-10-08T02:52:00.000-04:00

According to the New York Daily News (via ESPN), Joe Torre will be fired and replaced by Lou Piniella. I don't see this working out to well. Joe Torre does a wonderful job dealing with both the massive egos in the Yankee clubhouse as well as the New York media; his biggest asset seems to be patience. Patience has never been one of Piniella's hallmarks. I honestly cannot see Piniella surviving the year in New York. I just think his temper will cause enough of a problem at some point that Steinbrenner will have no choice but to fire him.

The 33rd Aniversary of the Most Overrated Sporting Event in History

2006-09-20T03:30:00.000-04:00

On this day in 1973, Billie Jean King defeated Bobby Riggs 6-4, 6-3, 6-3 in the widely hyped Battle of the Sexes in the Houston Astrodome. Almost everyone assumes it was a landmark for women athletes, and it was, to a degree. But the event was not nearly as monumental as it is made out to be.

King was thirty, and the number two ranked player on the women's tour. Riggs was fifty-five, a good twenty-five to thirty years past his prime. If something similar happened today - say, Maria Sharapova or Justine Henin-Hardenne thrashing John McEnroe, Bjorn Borg, or Jimmy Connors - would anyone be remotely surprised? Most top-flight female athletes should be better than male athletes, even the best, who are two decades or more removed from their peaks. King's defeat of Riggs was no upset, even if it did pave the way for Title IX and the growing equality of women in sports.

But here is the part that gets consistenly overlooked, even ignored. As I mentioned, King was the number 2 female player in the world. The number one player was Margaret Court, also thirty. On Mother's Day 1973, Riggs played Court in a less-hyped Battle of the Sexes in California. Here's what gets forgotten: Riggs defeated Court that day, and rather handily at that, 6-2, 6-1. In fact, the resultant publicity from that match led to Riggs' much-hyped battle with King, hype which overinflated the importance of the match. While King's win was an important landmark for the acceptance of female athletes, it proved absolutely nothing from a pure sporting standpoint.

Cats Are Evil

2006-08-23T22:36:00.000-04:00

As if I needed another reason not to ever own a cat, I come across this site. Enjoy.

TO News

2006-08-23T15:26:00.000-04:00

God, this is getting frustrating. Terrell Owens has apparently reaggravated his hamstring injury, and will likely miss the next preseason game. The Cowboys made two big offseason transactions (TO and Mike Vanderjagt) and so far, both have injury issues. Yippee! This team has the potential to win the Super Bowl, but only if those two guys actually, you know, play. Otherwise, they're a good team, good enough to make the playoffs, but those two guys can (and should) push them over the top.

Henson cut by Cowboys; Romo QB of the future?

2006-08-23T14:52:00.000-04:00

In a rather surprising move, Cowboys coach Bill Parcells informed reporters today that Drew Henson will not be on the roster this year. This move signals two things:

1. Drew Henson's NFL career is likely over; at the very least, he will never be a starter

2. The Cowboys are committed to Tony Romo as the quarterback of the future.

Lately, there has been discussion of a possible QB controversy in Dallas between Romo and Drew Bledsoe. Quite frankly, this is ridiculous. Parcells tends to prefer veterans, especially "his guys", and Bledsoe falls into both categories. Barring injury, Drew Bledsoe will start all 16 regular-season games and the playoffs. However, the Cowboys clearly need to start grooming a quarterback for the future, as Bledsoe has three years max left in the tank. Cutting Henson clearly indicates that the Cowboys will sink or swim with Romo. This preseason has shown that, as Romo has played 6 out of a possible 8 quarters so far, with all indications that he will see even more action. Remember, Romo has yet to throw a regular-season pass, so the Cowboys need to know what he can do. We know what Bledsoe can do and that he knows the system, so he doesn't need extensive preseason work. Romo does so the Cowboys and their fans (myself included) can know what the future holds at quarterback for our team.

Odds and Ends

2006-07-03T22:30:00.000-04:00

Jacques Villeneuve says he would consider racing in NASCAR if he can't get an F1 contract for next year. Does he really think he could get even a part-time Busch series ride? 35-year-olds with no stock car experience aren't exactly in high demand, even former Indy 500, CART, and F1 champions. The best he can realistically hope for is to be a road course ringer and maybe a couple of other races.

Chris Pronger, after requesting a trade from the Edmonton Oilers for "personal reasons" has finally been traded to Anaheim, in a trade that works out well for both teams. Edmonton gets a great young player in Joffrey Lupul (with the added bonus that he's an Edmonton native, so he's probably happy to play there), along with a defensive prospect and draft picks. Meanwhile, Anaheim now has perhaps the two best defensemen in the league with Pronger and Scott Niedermayer, which may well render them Stanley Cup favorites for next year. Of course, given the potential real reason Pronger wanted out, is Anaheim the best destination? I could be wrong, having been to neither city, but I imagine that Anaheim has better-looking female reporters than Edmonton; at the very least, the weather would seem to allow for better display of the available talent. Hopefully, for the Ducks' sake (as well for his own domestic well-being), I would hope Pronger doesn't make impregnating female reporters a habit, or he won't be in Southern California for long.

How to Make Formula 1 Popular in the United States

2006-06-28T05:09:00.000-04:00

Formula 1's lone U.S. driver, Scott Speed, has recently been quoted as saying that it "personally ... doesn't matter" to him if F1 becomes more popular in the U.S. It may not matter to him, but it matters to me, damn it! Anyway, because I would like to see F1 increase in popularity, I humbly present several ideas that could very well accomplish that.

1. Get on ESPN
Look, whatever your opinion on ESPN, in order for a sport (defined very loosely here, by the way) to be popular, it must be embraced by the Worldwide Leader in Hyperbole. If you don't believe me, witness the poker boom. Anyway, F1 needs to leave Speed Channel and migrate over to ESPN and its sister networks, which would guarantee that, at the very least, that F1 highlights would make SportsCenter and thus at least make an imprint on the conciousness of the average sports fan.

If this happens, I would at least like to see the current Speed broadcast crew of Bob Varsha, David Hobbs, and Steve Matchett make the move as well, as they are both entertaining and informative, which is better than anything that ESPN could currently throw at F1. At the very least, please, please, please for the love of God do not hire Ralph Sheheen or Derek Daly, the broadcast team for CBS's F1 coverage. For the unitiated, Sheheen combines a Kevin-Harlan-on-helium voice with the intellect of Tim McCarver, while Derek Daly is basically an Irish Joe Morgan. Also, never, ever allow Chris Berman anywhere near the F1 coverage. What do I think ESPN would actually do if they got F1? I honestly don't know; probably Paul Page (the former play-by-play guy of ESPN's CART coverage who has been relegated to the NHRA and the X-games) and someone like Danny Sullivan or Bobby Rahal, a recognizable American with F1 experience.

Here's how I envision an F1 TV deal with ESPN working out: have the three American races (the Canadian, U.S., and Brazilian Grands Prix) broadcast live on ABC, on Sunday afternoons. (The Canadian and U.S. Grands Prix are in the summer, so those two, at least, won't go up against football.) The Asian portion of the schedule (Malaysia, Japan, China, and Australia) which start from 10 PM Saturday night to 2 or 3 Sunday morning could be broadcast live on ESPN2, with repeats at 8 AM on ESPN, which is also when live coverage of the European-based Grands Prix could start. Repeats could also air at a more palatable time on Sundays for west-coast viewers and non-morning people on ESPNEWS or ESPN Classic. ESPN Classic could also revive a Speed Channel favorite, F1 Decade, broadcasting the races from 10 years ago, perhaps on, say, Fridays at midnight of race weekends. Qualifying for all races could be live on ESPN2 at the relevant times, and again, with more palatably timed repeats on NEWS or Classic.

2. Either a Second U.S. Grand Prix or Rotate the Current One
Fortunately, most of the grand high pooh-bahs in F1 realize the need for F1 to grow, so at least this issue will be getting attention from all the necessary people. Perhaps most important, the leader of the "Let's grow F1 in America" brigade is Bernie Ecclestone, who controls the commercial rights to F1 and is thus the most powerful man in the sport. Many want a second U.S. Grand Prix, which is a great idea. Not so great is the idea that the second USGP should also have a permanent location. If a second USGP is added to the schedule, it should have no permanent site but instead rotate among the many road courses we have in this country: Watkins Glen, Laguna Seca, Infineon, Mid-Ohio, Road Atlanta, Road America, and many others that I'm sure I'm forgetting. (I would love to see F1 race at the Daytona road course, but considering they complaing about the "steep" banking at Indianapolis [9 degrees], I suppose the thirty-three degree banking at Daytona would cause at least half of them to collapse in fright.) Also worth considering would be street races in large or glamorous locations (Long Beach, Las Vegas, maybe even New York). Why a rotating Grand Prix? Because the U.S. is a large country, and having F1 races rotate around the country increases the sport's availability to the general population.

3. More American Involvement
Right now, the only major American involvement in the on-track world of F1 is the aforementioned driver Scott Speed. Because he drives for Toro Rosso, a back of the pack team, it is hard to root for him. All of the major teams, technical suppliers, and even sponsors are foreign-based. Because of this, it is hard for most Americans to get attached to the sport. This is one area where I have no solution. GM, because of its relationship with FIAT, has a miniscule investment in Ferarri; I do not know if that is a sufficient enough relationship to preclude GM from further involvement in F1. Of course, with GM's current financial state, getting involved in F1 would be the worst thing for them to do. Chrysler, of course, is part of DaimlerChrysler, and thus is the sister company of Mercedes-Benz, which supplys engines to the McLaren team. Ford had been involved, but its Jaguar team was a major disappointment, especially considering the amount of money it threw at it. The best hope for greater American involvement in F1 is through drivers, which is the one area where American interest in F1 looks promising. And if there are multiple American drivers in F1, then American interest in F1 should increase.

Apropos of Absolutely Nothing, Names That Should Be Given to Racehorses

2006-06-28T02:53:00.000-04:00

About a month ago, down at the beach, we were all watching the Preakness, when my friend Chip complained that the horses don't have cool names. He proceeded to give three names that are truly awesome: Ernie, Natural Light, and Beer Pong. I like these, but here are some other ones that could also work.

All-Natural Ernie:
Maybe it's just me, but something about this name just sounds so goddmaned cool. I just can't explain it.

Glue Factory or Raw Glue or Future Glue:
Insensitive? Yes. Funny? Even more so. Come on, why not at least have fun with the fact that when these horses die, they become little Timmy's macaroni collage for his kindergarten class Thanksgiving Project.

HUGE in Japan:
Works two ways: implies huge popularity in Japan (which somehow makes the horse seem really, really cool) and refers to another area in which the horse is huge. (Hint: that area makes Bob Costas [not Costas' similar area, but Costas himself] look like even more of a midget than usual.)

Ken Griffey, Jr.:
For any horse whose job it is to set a blistering pace, then drastically slow down on the backstretch, just like Griffey's home run totals!

Why is Frankie Muniz on My Back?:
Symbolic of the question that all racehorses must ask themselves at one point or another.

In Anticipation of Studhood:
Like you wouldn't be.

Inbred:
Because thoroughbreds are, by definition, inbred, and also because horse racing's greatest event is held in Kentucky.

More Big Ben stupidity

2006-06-13T15:39:00.000-04:00

In addition to not wearing a helmet, Ben Roethlisberger apparently didn't even bother acquiring a motorcycle license. I am astounded that Roethlisberger has managed to surpass Terry Bradshaw as the all-time stupidest QB in Steelers history.

NBAPA: No HGH Tests

2006-06-12T16:45:00.000-04:00

The NBA Players Association has joined their counterparts at the NFLPA in refusing to permit blood tests for Human Growth Hormone. One of the uses of HGH is to help people with low levels of naturally-occurring growth hormone produce it so as to reach a desirable height. Hmmm, a league populated by abnormally tall players; nope, I don't see any reason for HGH use there. Nope, no possible use for HGH in the NBA at all. Billy Hunter is absolutely in the right on this particular issue.

Bradshaw no longer all-time dumbest Steelers' QB

2006-06-12T14:25:00.000-04:00

Has it really been almost a month since I've updated this? Wow. Anyway, back to blogging.

Sad news out of Pittsburgh, where Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger (sp?) was seriously hurt after crashing his motorcycle today. On the one hand, I sincerely hope that he is okay and makes a full recovery. On the other hand, he was riding his motorcycle without a helmet, which although legal in Pennsylvania, is really, really, really stupid. To give you an idea of how stupid it is, even Terry Bradshaw realizes that it is stupid, and tried to get Big Ben to stop riding helmetless, but, obviously, Big Ben was hard-headed and didn't listen. I guess he wasn't hard-headed enough. (Sorry for the horrendous pun.)

Organizational Notes

2006-05-14T07:48:00.000-04:00

This will likely be my last post for about a week, as I am taking a much-undeserved beach vacation. Yay. Anyway, after I get back, I hope to update the blog more often, hopefully at least daily, have it be a daily destination for all of you loyal readers. But we'll see.

By the way, for those of you wondering where the name of my blog came from, just refer to the 12th line of these lyrics. Enjoy, and see you in a week or so.

Video Extravaganza Returns

2006-05-09T21:00:00.000-04:00

Another Tuesday, another YouTube video day. And, again, two videos, although neither one, this week, features me. This first video is David Coulthard screwing up his pit entry at the 1995 Australian Grand Prix. The second is some fan at a Cardinals game who dances worse than me and Taylor Hicks combined.

American Idol Live Blog Returns!

2006-05-09T20:03:00.000-04:00

Making its glorious return after a two-week absence is my American Idol running diary. Let the celebration begin! Thank you, thank you very much; yes, it's Elvis week. Let's just hope that there isn't a non-Elvis portion, just so no one sings the God-awful "Streets of Memphis" as some sort of tribute.

8:03: Priscilla says "Idol" would be one of Elvis' favorite shows; I definitely don't think he would shoot out the TV if it came on.

Taylor Hicks (1): He says he's gonna have fun. Oh, boy, he can really show his moves. I can't dance, can't tell if dancing is good or bad, but even I know that he can't dance. This night should be right up his alley, as he's the only one who sounds enough like Elvis to pull it off.

Aside from his epileptic seizure, I think he pulled it out. It was energetic and got the crowd into it, which seems good. I can see where Simon is coming from with saying it came off as a bad impersonation. I really enjoyed him telling Paula to shut up; I feel the same way, Simon.

Chris Daughtry (1): Why would a fag like Ryan be bothered by Chris' underwear. (I'm going straight to hell.) "Suspicious Minds": my favorite Elvis song, and I think Chris could pull it off. Let's see.

A nice, solid performance, but nothing spectacular; I still enjoyed it; the judges will be slobbering all over him, because he is the one that they want to win, and has been all season. Paula, don't ever go out into the rain; saccharine dissolves easily in water.

Elliot Yamin (1): I'll be honest, I'm surprised he's still here, because I just think he's so forgettable. Unless he blows everyone away tonight, he'll be gone.

Not nearly good enough for this stage in the competition. This is a typical Elliot performance for me: nice, but not great, and I'll forget about it in five minutes. The judges will probably love it, because they like Elliot, but I just don't get it. Sorry.

Katharine McPhee (1): Hmmmmmmmm, a medley; should be interesting. Of course, you know by now I like her, so it'll be hard for me not to like her performance.

Pretty good; I'd rate it as the best so far, but, again, I am somewhat biased. Paula noted the choreography, which is all that she should be allowed to judge; when she had a career before this, she wasn't known as a vocal powerhouse, but a dancer.

Taylor Hicks (2): Taylor and Lisa Marie; can't quite see that. Taylor with a "soulful" number: in the ghetto. I'm not sure if Taylor can bring the gravitas that this song requires. No dancing, which may hurt him.

I didn't like the arrangement: it was a little too peppy for the song, at least for me. But his vocal is good, which is what counts. As for my concern: he brought the appropriate gravitas, but whoever did the arrangement didn't.

Chris Daughtry (2): A nice rocker for Chris. He should knock this one out of the park. I'll be surprised if he doesn't. I agree with Tommy Mottola: he should rise to the occasion.

One of his best performances so far. This performance just exemplifies why he is the best singer this season.

Elliot Yamin (2): His second song, which raises a question: Wait, he already sang? Sorry, he's just so forgettable to me. I am still a little surprised he made it this far.

Another subpar performance from him. He's gone. His voice is just not powerful enough to pull off Elvis songs, and it's going to cost him tonight; both of his songs sounded weak to me.

Katharine McPhee (2): A slow love song, which should lend itself well to her voice.

They saved the best for last. An awesome performance. It did lend itself well to her voice. I guess not, because I'm watching it with my sisters and mom, and they hated it.

I say that Elliot is gone.

I Have No Words

2006-05-05T18:11:00.000-04:00

I clicked play on this video, then was unable to turn away. Wow, and not in a good way (I don't think).

Video Extravaganza

2006-05-02T11:00:00.000-04:00

Today, the first installment in what may or may not become a regular feature here: YouTube videos. YouTube, in case you have yet to discover it, is an excellent website and time-waster. The first video is Jim Mora's excellent "Playoffs?! P-playoffs?!" rant from a few years back. The second one is a video a group of friends and I made for English class my senior year that I uploaded; we were supposed to do commercial, which somehow tied into persuasive writing. We decided to do an over-the-top ambulance-chasing lawyer, and I rather liked how it turned out.

Revisiting My Playoff Predictions

2006-04-29T22:34:00.000-04:00

Okay, now that all the series have gone at least four games, let's revisit my predictions and marvel at my stupidity.

Red Wings/Oilers

My prediction: Red Wings in 5
Currently: Oilers lead 3-2

Ok, I clearly misunderestimated the Oilers, as President Bush might say. Basically, Roloson has stood on his head and outperformed what he had done down the stretch. Also, it turns out playing in a division with Chicago, Columbus, and St. Louis may not have been the best playoff preparation for the Wings.

Stars/Avalanche
My prediction: Stars in 5
Currently: Avalanche lead 3-1

I had forgotten that Marty Turco has a less than stellar playoff record, and overlooked that much of Dallas's regular season success was due to the shootout. Still, they've been close; all four games could have gone either way.

Flames/Mighty Ducks
My prediction: Mighty Ducks in 7
Currently: tied 2-2; Flames lead 2-0 in 1st period of game 5

Other than underestimating Calgary's offense, I was rather accurate. I thought this one would be close, and I've been proven right so far.

Predators/Sharks
My prediction: Sharks in 4
Currently: Sharks lead 3-1

So Chris Mason stole Game 1; that's the only thing keeping this series from going exactly as I predicted. Still, I feel somewhat vindicated. Nashville, much like Detroit, appears to have been hurt by playing in the Central Division, with Chicago, Columbus, and St. Louis. I think that it is worth noting that all four lower seeds in the West (Oilers, Avs, Ducks, and Sharks) could all wind up winning. Has that ever happened before? I doubt it. Yes, San Jose was my pick to win the West; I stand by that.

Senators/Lightning
My Prediction: Senators in 6
Currently: Senators won 4-1

Basically, the Lightning suffered from horrible goaltending; unfortunate for them, but it led to the soundbite of the playoffs, John Tortorella's rant after game 4. "A save would be nice," might be the quote of the year. That's about the only highlight I can think of, though.

Hurricanes/Canadiens
My prediction: Canadiens in 7
Currently: tied 2-2

The Canadiens looked so good in the first two games. Then Saku Koivu went down, and the Canadiens have not looked quite so good. On the bright side, Justin Williams (who has gotten away with two blatant high-sticks, including the one that knocked Koivu out) has replaced Sean Avery as my least-favorite hockey player. I'm not sure that Montreal can win without Koivu, but it looks like they'll have to.

Devils/Rangers
My prediction: Devils in 6
Currently: Devils won 4-0

The hot team (the Devils, riding an 11-game winning streak into the playoffs) beat the cold team (the Rangers) who happened to lose their best player (Jagr) late in Game 2. The Rangers weren't going to win the series, but a healthy Jagr could have allowed them to win one game. I'm still confident in the Devils as my East pick, but I'd pick them to win the Cup right now over San Jose.

Sabres/Flyers
My prediction: Flyers in 7
Currently: tied 2-2

Much like Flames/Ducks, this has gone pretty much as I anticipated. Game 1 was great; that first overtime period is the greatest period of hockey I have ever seen. I can't show you the whole period, but I can show you the highlight: an absolutely brutal (but completely clean) hit that Buffalo's Brian Campbell laid on Philadelphia's R.J. Umberger.

My East picks have been much more accurate than my West picks. Hmmmm. I guess that's because I watched much more Eastern games this year. Oh well; at least my Stanley Cup pick still looks good.

Dallas Cowboys Draft: Day 1

2006-04-29T22:23:00.000-04:00

The Dallas Cowboys had only two picks today. One was a good pick, the other was not. Their first-round pick, Ohio State LB Bobby Carpenter, is one I like. While linebacker was not the Cowboys' most pressing need, he was probably the best player available, and LB was enough of a need that it is not totally ridiculous for the Cowboys to draft a LB in that spot. Plus, Carpenter's dad used to play for Parcells, so he has some idea of how to deal with Parcells, and that's a plus.

But I don't get the second-round pick, Notre Dame TE Anthony Fasano. He's a nice, solid, pass-catching tight end. My problem with this pick is that the Cowboys already have Jason Witten, who is not only a pass-catching tight end, but a top 5 pass-catching tight end in the league. In fact, you could make a case that tight end is the one position on the Cowboys roster in the best shape; why spend your second pick on a player who does not feel a pressing need when the offensive line is in desparate need of attention; I would have liked for the first-rounder to be spent on an offensive lineman, but the second-round pick absolutely needed to be spent on offensive line help. Parcells blew it here (or maybe Jerry Jones; I don't know which one is actually making the decisions.)

Holy Shit!

2006-04-28T21:12:00.000-04:00

The Texans have signed Mario Williams, the NC State DE, to be the first player taken in the draft. Needless to say, this changes everything. So now, where does Reggie Bush go? My gut says that someone trades up to no. 2 and gives the Saints a shitload of picks in order to get Bush, which would be appropriate somehow. My best guess as to who would make the trade? The Indianapolis Colts. Can you imagine Bush in that loaded offense? Damn.

Ridiculous

2006-04-26T20:22:00.000-04:00

So I'm half-heartedly watching the Rangers-Devils game on OLN (half-heartedly because it's 3-0 Devils and I'm listening to Habs-Canes on my XM radio) and, just after Montreal scored a goal on the radio to take a 1-0 lead, I hear a grating noise from the TV. Apparently, the cable company decided to test the Emergency Broadcast System. I realize that around here, no one gives a shit about hockey, but still: why would you test the Emergency Broadcast System, on any channel, at 8:20 PM? That seems to me like an excellent way to piss off your paying customers.

Barry Switzer: Worst Coach Ever?

2006-04-22T23:34:00.000-04:00

Just look at this video and the accompanying summary and decide for yourself. Is Switzer the worst coach ever? No. He's not even the worst coach in Cowboys history. Here is one man's (mine) ranking of the coaches in Dallas Cowboys history, from best to worst.

1. Jimmy Johnson: 2 Super Bowls, and built the nucleus for the third one.
2. Tom Landry: raised the Cowboys from expansion laughingstock to title contender to title winner, but unfortunately then faded in the 80's
3. Bill Parcells: playoffs the first year, .500 since, and is now clearly going for the Super Bowl or bust this year; nothing spectacular in Dallas, but better than the morons that preceded him
4. Chan Gailey: mediocre at best, but did get to the playoffs both seasons he coached (even if he lost to the Arizona freaking Cardinals in that first season), and I'm pretty sure he would have punted in the above situation
5. Barry Switzer: won a Super Bowl with Jimmy Johnson's players in his second season; unfortunately bookended that Super Bowl win with playoff losses to the 49ers and the second-year Panthers, then missed the playoffs in his final season; loses points for trying to sneak a handgun onto a plane, then claiming he put in his bag to protect his grandkids; again: watch the above video; however, he was not as spectacularly bad as:
6. Dave Campo: 3 straight 5-11 seasons; sealed his exit by losing the first game of his third season to the Houston Texans (who, in case you've forgotten, were only playing their first game in franchise history), by far the most humiliating loss in Cowboys history; loses points for a Betty White-esque hairdo

Thank God!!!

2006-04-20T19:52:00.000-04:00

Bob Gainey made it official today, announcing that Cristobal Huet will indeed start the playoffs for Montreal. This is good, because Huet has been excellent this year and, as I mentioned in my playoffs preview, Montreal's rookie goalies have a good track record in the playoffs (do the names Dryden and Roy mean anything to you?). So, let's hear it: Hip Hip Huet! Hip Hip Huet! Hip Hip Huet!

Correction

2006-04-20T10:18:00.000-04:00

ESPN has fixed some (but not all) of their goalie mistakes. They have corrected: Huet for Theodore in Montreal, Esche for Nittymaki in Philadelphia, Theodore for Aebischer in Montreal, and Mason for Vokoun in Nashville. Unfortunately, they still have Nabokov instead of Toskala in San Jose, Hasek instead of Emery in Ottawa, and Markkanen instead of Roloson in Edmonton.

NHL Playoff Preview

2006-04-20T09:13:00.000-04:00

Well, everyone's favorite time of year is now here: the NHL Playoffs! I, for one, am excited. ESPN, too, is excited, but unfortunately, in their excitement, they screwed up almost HALF of the starting goalies for the playoffs. Seriously, check it out: the starting goalies they have listed are not the current ones, but instead are the opening-night starters. I'm not quite sure how they slipped on that one, but just know that they did. Anyway, I will now preview and predict all of the first-round playoff matchups, and to further highlight my idiocy, will predict the rest of the playoffs from there, too! Let the bad guesses begin!

Western Conference

(1) Detroit Red Wings vs. (8) Edmonton Oilers
Right now, Detroit looks like the best team in the league; on paper, they are the most talented team in the league, and while they don't play the games on paper, I cannot see Edmonton providing too much of a challenge.
Goalies: Manny Legace (Detroit) vs. Dwayne Roloson (Edmonton)
ESPN's Goalies: Manny Legace (Detroit) vs. Jussi Markkanen (Edmonton; now the backup after Roloson was traded to Edmonton)
My Pick: Detroit in 5 (Edmonton has the talent to stealy a game, and they DID go 2-2 vs. Detroit this year, but Detroit is still too damn good.)

(2) Dallas Stars vs. (7) Colorado Avalanche
Hard for me to say, really; I haven't seen too many Western Conference teams this year. That said, without Forsberg and Foote, I just don't see them having the necessary toughness to win. Throw in the goalies (Theodore or Budaj: scary, and not for the Stars) this seems like an ugly series for the Avs. Yeah, I know Turco crapped the bed in the last playoffs, but neither Jose Theodore (whose Hart/Vezina 2002 season is looking more and more like a fluke) or Peter Budaj strikes near as much fear in me as does Turco.
Goalies: Marty Turco (Dallas) vs. Jose Theodore (Colorado, unless he falters)
ESPN's Goalies: Marty Turco (Dallas) vs. David Aebischer (Colorado; traded to Montreal for Jose Theodore; I still cannot believe that Bob Gainey was able to dupe Pierre Lacroix of all GM's on this one)
My Pick: Dallas in 5

(3) Calgary Flames vs. (6) Mighty Ducks of Anaheim
The last two Western representatives in the Stanley Cup Finals, but the Ducks don't even resemble the team that took the Devils to seven games three years ago. Calgary's success in this series hinges on Miika Kiprusoff, because they do not have the offensive firepower to win this one unless he steps up like he did two years ago. I just think that Anaheim's offense is too potent.
Goalies: Miika Kiprusoff (Calgary) vs. Jean-Sebastien Giguere (Anaheim)
ESPN's Goalies: Miika Kiprusoff (Calgary) vs. Jean-Sebastien Giguere (Anaheim); hey, they got one series right!
Prediction: Anaheim in 7 (Kipper will play great, but Calgary's offensive shortcomings will be too great)

(4) Nashville Predators vs. (5) San Jose Sharks
This will be the most lopsided series of the first-round. At least, that's what I think. Apparently, the loss of Tomas Vokoun in goal really doesn't hurt Nashville all that much, because all the predictions I have seen have this one going six or seven games. Tomas Vokoun is the only reason Nashville is seeded this high. Hell, if it weren't for him, they may not even be in the playoffs. Either I am not giving backup Chris Mason (who looks a lot like American Idol Chris Daughtry, by the way) enough credit or all the hockey experts are smoking crack; I'm leaning towards the latter.
Goalies: Chris Mason (Nashville) vs. Vesa Toskala (San Jose)
ESPN's Goalies: Tomas Vokoun (Nashville; out for the season of because of a rare, life-threatening condition causing pelvic blood clots) vs. Evgeni Nabokov (San Jose; lost his job to Toskala, now backing him up)
My Picks: San Jose in 4

Eastern Conference
(1) Ottawa Senators vs. (8) Tampa Bay Lightning
Despite being the defending champions, the Lighting barely got into the playoffs this year. With the loss of Nikolai Khabibulin in free agency, their goaltending took a major hit. They will go into the playoffs with either Sean Burke or John Grahame, neither of whom is a great guy to pin your Stanley Cup hopes on. Meanwhile, Ottawa, despite faltering in recent weeks, is still the best offensive team in the league; although Dominik Hasek's groin injury hurts them in the goaltending department, they still have a great defensive corps, which should be able to somewhat overcome that deficiency.
Goalies: Ray Emery (Ottawa) vs. either Sean Burke or John Grahame (Tampa Bay; they have yet to announce who will get the Game 1 start)
ESPN's Goalies: Dominik Hasek (Ottawa; injured his groin five minutes into the Czech Republic's first game at the Olympics; may recover in time to start in the latter half of this series or the beginning of the second round) vs. John Grahame (Tampa Bay; he may get the start, but the Lightning haven't decided yet
My Pick: Ottawa in 6

(2) Carolina Hurricanes vs. (7) Montreal Canadiens
Neither team finshed the season strong. Neither team has much playoff experience, especially in goal (although only one of the Eastern starters in goal has any significant playoff experience). So I'm not going to rationalize this pick. I am a Canadiens fan, so I will pick them. Besides, unless Bob Gainey decides to start Aebischer (which would be idiotic), they will be starting French rookie goalie Cristobal Huet, and the Habs have had luck with rookie goalies in past playoffs (see: Dryden in 1971 and Roy in 1986). Also, in the last two playoffs they were in, they upset higher seeds, so that bodes well, I hope.
Goalies: Martin Gerber (Carolina) vs. Cristobal Huet (Montreal)
ESPN's Goalies: Martin Gerber (Carolina) vs. Jose Theodore (Montreal; performed poorly and eventually lost his job to Huet; in December, tested positive for a steroid masking agent that he claimed was Propecia to counteract hair loss [because he clearly suffers from hair loss], then was traded to Colorado for David Aebischer
My Pick: Montreal in 7

(3) New Jersey Devils vs. (6) New York Rangers
The Devils are riding an 11-game winning streak, an NHL record to end the season. Although the Rangers have Jaromir Jagr and Henrik Lundqvist, the best of the young goalies in the East, Martin Brodeur has come up big for the Devils far too many times to count him out. Brodeur carries the Devils in this series.
Goalies: Martin Brodeur (New Jersey) vs. Henrik Lundqvist (New York)
ESPN's Goalies: Martin Brodeur (New Jersesy) vs. Henrik Lundqvist (New York); another one ESPN got right!
My Pick: New Jersey in 6

(4) Buffalo Sabres vs. (5) Philadelphia Flyers
Honestly, I don't have much of a clue here. Both goalies are kind of blah to me, one way or the other. I'll pick the Flyers just because they have Peter Forsberg, one of the five best players in the league. I'm not sure I could name five players off of Buffalo's roster.
Goalies: Ryan Miller (Buffalo) vs. Robert Esche (Philadelphia)
ESPN's Goalies: Ryan Miller (Buffalo) vs. Antero Nittymaki (Philadelphia; actually held the starting job for much of the season, but faltered down the stretch, handing Esche the job for the playoffs)
My Pick: Philadelphis in 7

Western Second Round
Detroit over Anaheim in 6
San Jose over Dallas in 7

Eastern Second Round
Ottawa over Montreal in 5
New Jersey over Philadelphia in 4

Western Finals
San Jose over Detroit in 7

Eastern Finals
New Jersey over Ottawa in 6

Stanley Cup Finals
San Jose over New Jersey in 7

Raymond Felton really wants to play

2006-04-15T06:27:00.000-04:00

Via Paul Lukas' excellent Uni Watch column on ESPN's Page 2, I found this story on Bobcats rookie guard Raymond Felton. He deliberately chooses not to pack suitable clothes for the NBA's (ridiculous) dress code to ensure that he dresses for the game. Unfortunately, that gambit didn't work in a recent game, and to (literally) add insult to injury, he was forced to borrow a teammate's clothes that didn't quite fit his style. Poor Raymond.

Sean Avery done for the season

2006-04-13T15:27:00.000-04:00

Sean Avery's tenure in L.A. is OVER! Unfortunately, he will probably be picked up in the offseason by some team looking for "toughness"; that's the unfortunate part. The only bright spot in him leaving L.A. is that he will now find it much more difficult to date women like Elisha Cuthbert. I hope he goes to Columbus, where he'll be stuck on a miserable team in a miserable city that no one pays attention to. I will say this about Sean Avery, however: when Don Cherry retires, Hockey Night in Canada will already have his replacement right here.

American Idol Running Diary

2006-04-11T20:02:00.000-04:00

And we begin. This week's theme: Queen. This, of course, means another week of subpar singing. It's almost as if FOX wants to make the singers sound as bad as possible. "Bohemian Rhapsody" is my second favorite song of all time, and I'm afraid that someone is going to completely fuck it up. I believe that only Chris can do a credible version of the song; if anyone else does it, I might have to kill someone.

Bucky: Oh, God, this is going to suck. And I don't see Queen coming into a bar in Rockingham. "Fat Bottomed Girls"; interesting choice. I was right; it did suck. Fortunately for him, everyone else here (with the possible exception of Chris) also cannot compare with Freddie Mercury. It may not be fair to compare these guys with the originals, but I'm going to. Sorry. Reaction to judges: It was energetic, and he kind of made it his own, but Simon was right: it was mediocre.

Okay, the Coca-Cola phone commercial is really, really stupid. I think I'll have a Pepsi.

Ace: "We Will Rock You"; it's gonna be hard to screw this up too badly, but it's hard to excel, too. I can't believe I am typing these words: I liked Bucky better. Ace can't be too confident about his singing ability if he's having backup singers sing most of the "chorus". That was an abysmal performance. Ugh. Reaction to judges: Randy being generous giving it a 5 or 6, and it was a bit karaoke. Paula's right: he did take a risk, but it backfired. I agree wholeheartedly with everything Simon said; Ace might be in danger of being voted off.

Kellie: The most annoying human being on the planet right now. If she sings "Bohemian Rhapsody", Ryan should just shoot her in the face. I'm not even kidding. NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tough job, big shoes to fill: that's an uderstatement, guys. I'll try to give her a fair chance. Just as awful as I had feared. Actually, it comes off to me as an excruciatingly subpar impersonation of Bonnie Tyler. I think I'm going to puke. Reaction to judges: I completely disagree with you, Randy. Of course, Paula was just as brown-nosing as always. Simon liked it?!?!?!?!?! WTF was he listening too? She's never heard the expression "on paper" before? How fucking stupid is she? I hated that performance; I will go so far as to say that this may have been the worst ever performance at this stage of the competition.

A one-hour results show? How boring will that be?

Chris: I'm anticipating that this'll be the bright spot; I'm not too surprised he's picking an obscure song; out of all the contestants, he seems to be the most hardcore music fan. Wow. As always, he delivers. If he does not win the whole competition, there is something wrong with this country. Reaction to judges: It's obvious that they agree with me. They are pimping him like crazy, and rightly so. I agree with Simon: song choice matters, no matter what Randy and Paula might say. In a competition like this, good vocals can overcome a mediocre song, but in real life, the quality of the song is more important than the quality of the vocal. Simon gets this, but apparently Randy, Paula, and Ryan don't.

I like the old man Coke commercial, but I find the premise to be slightly odd. Seriously, hasn't everyone had a Coke at least once in their life?

Katharine: A ballad. I think this could go well. Of course, I like her a lot, so I am going to be slightly biased in her favor. Very impressive; slightly behind Chris, but miles ahead of everyone else; though, again, I'm biased. I loved the opening shot: sexy as hell. Reaction to judges: I'm basically in agreement with them; it's pretty obvious at this point that Chris and Katharine are their two favorites.

Elliot: Mr. Forgettable. If I can remember what he sang five minutes after he's done, I'll be surprised. He's good, but bland and forgettable; he's singing an Aretha-inspired song, and I expect another typical Elliot performance: good but forgettable. Yep, typical Elliot: pretty good, but nothing memorable, and it'll be forgotten before the next person even finishes. Reaction to judges: Best vocal tonight, Paula?! Are you crazy?! (Actually, yes you are.) I'm more in agreement with Randy and Simon.

Taylor: You don't need to do more dancing. You look like you're having a seizure. "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" seems to fit with his style. Let's see. Actually pretty good; I'd rank it third tonight behind Katharine and Chris. The only part I didn't like was trying to kick the mic stand over; I would say he kicks like a girl, but that's an insult to girls everywhere. Reaction to judges: I love how Simon calmed Paula down. I say straitjacket, Paula. It was a little ridiculous, but he sang it pretty well. 2nd straight week Ryan has accused the judges of drinking; if anyone is, I say it's Paula.

Gymnasts are bitches?! I'm shocked, shocked I tell you!

If it weren't a medical show, I think I'd like "House". But medical stuff kind of gives me the willies.

Paris: She seems a bit young to pull off Queen, but we'll see. Very good vocal, but lacking charisma. Vocally, this performance actually brings to mind Tina Turner for me. However, I don't like the all-black look. Paris, you aren't Johnny Cash. Reaction to judges: They didn't have much to say. Nothing really to respond to.

My vote goes to: Chris.

Michael Nylander's Potty Mouth

2006-04-08T17:00:00.000-04:00

Michael Nylander may have just cost NBC, oh, about $250,000. After a game-winning goal in OT against the Bruins, he was interviewed by NBC's Pierre McGuire, who coached Nylander for the Hartford Whalers in 1993-94. McGuire asked Nylander if, with all the Czechs on the team, if he had picked up any Czech, said no, he stuck with Swedish and English, and a little bit of French, which Pierre taught him. He then told Pierre that "you'd give me so much shit". Of course, play-by-play man Mike Emrick immediately apologized; however, color analyst and former NHL goalie John Davidson was clearly and amusingly cracking up. Hopefully, the FCC won't go crazy, but I have a nagging feeling that they will.

Sean Avery is an asshole

2006-04-08T15:22:00.000-04:00

Sean Avery is my least favorite hockey player. He has a tendency to say and do stupid things, and is an embarrasment to the NHL. His latest dumbass move: insulting Anaheim announcer Brian Hayward. In my favorite part of the exchange, Avery referred to Hayward as an "embarrasment", to which Hayward told Avery, "You want to see an embarrassment? Look in the mirror, Sean." Hayward has thus earned my admiration. Bravo, Mr. Hayward, bravo.

Nationals TV Update

2006-04-06T20:54:00.000-04:00

I have just found out that MASN has rights to all Nationals games, and ESPN must blackout all broadcasts in areas where teams have regional rights (except on Sunday and Wednesday, when they have national rights) and all of Virginia is MASN territory (as is all of Maryland, DC, and parts of Delaware, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia. Unfortunately MASN is not on many cable systems due to high expense. I also suspect that Comcast refuses to carry MASN until there is a resolution of that dispute.

Washington Nationals

2006-04-06T19:21:00.000-04:00

The Washington Nationals, my favorite baseball team, are playing on ESPN right now. Or at least they should be. Instead, I'm getting ESPNEWS instead of the game, and I'm not quite sure why. I'm way too far from DC to be in any sort of a blackout zone. And this isn't the first time this has happened; the same thing happened on Opening Day. I would appreciate an explanation. The only thing that I can come up with is that since the cable provider for this area is Comcast, that it is somehow related to their beef with Peter Angelos and the MASN network. But I don't know. All I do know is that I am not too happy about it.

Marlins' Payroll

2006-04-06T13:48:00.000-04:00

Marlins' payroll is lowest in baseball since '98

Wow! Under $15 million? They must really be hurting financially. With no new stadium on the horizon, they'll probably be gone within two years. Where to? Right now, San Antonio, of all places, appears to be the frontrunner. We'll see.

American Idol Results

2006-04-05T21:17:00.000-04:00

9:17 PM: So Taylor, Kellie, and Chris are safe. Not much of a surprise; the three of them have proven to be pretty popular. So the other groups are Mandisa, Elliot, Paris and Ace, Bucky, Katharine. The second group is probably the bottom three, with Bucky being gone. If that's the case, I don't understand Katharine being in the bottom three two weeks in a row. Of all the females, she's sung the best in the Final 12 stage, and is the most attractive, at least in my opinion. Right now, I'm just hoping and praying that Bucky is gone, thus ending our long national nightmare.

9:22 PM: I was wrong: Mandisa, Elliot, and Paris are the bottom three. I'm glad that Katharine is safe, but dissappointed that Bucky is staying. I guess it's obvious at this point that Bucky is receiving the support of the "vote-for-the-worst crowd".

Or not. I had never been to the site before, so I didn't know who they were choosing, but figured on Bucky since he is really, really bad. But their choice is Kellie, which I support for a "vote-for-the-worst" campaign. She's not a horrible singer, but she just annoys the hell out of me. Her "southern" thing just seems to confirm all the worst stereotypes people have of Southerners, namely that we are complete idiots who are naive to the wider world.

9:27 PM: Paris is safe. Between Mandisa and Elliot now. I say Elliot because he is so forgettable. But I was wrong; Mandisa's gone. Eh. She was alright, but like most of the contestants this year, she was plain and boring and very whitebread; Chris has been the only one that has REALLY stood out, at least to me.

9:30 PM: Ah, the cruelest aspect of Idol: "America just voted you out, now show them why they didn't vote for you in the first place! Have fun!"

Quincy Carter and American Idol

2006-04-05T15:42:00.000-04:00

Quincy Carter: Marijuana had role in release

So he confirms what we all suspected at the time. Not really a surprise. I had no problem letting him go; he really wasn't that good. Unfortunately, the Cowboys don't have a good young quarterback; I'm sure they'll do something about it next year, because Drew Bledsoe only has one or two years left after this season, and I am not sold on Drew Henson. I'd love for Henson to be the real deal and be a worthy successor to Troy Aikman, but I'm not convinced.

Comparing past and present Idols

Yes, I'm an American Idol fan. I know that I am an inferior human being for it, but I don't care. Interesting article here breaking down exactly how this year's crop compares to the past.

As far as last night's show, the only ones who really impressed me were Chris, Paris, and Katharine. The rest of them were uninspired and mediocre; I hope Bucky or Kellie goes, but I think it'll be Elliot; he is the most forgettable singer in the competition. I think that Chris will wind up winning; my personal favorite, however, is Katharine, although more because she is smoking-hot than for her singing abilities.